I am at the age and point in my life where I will discover a lot about myself. At least that is what I have been told. This post is not meant to obtain sympathy for myself, nor am I looking for approval. This is just me putting my thoughts down, to see if I can make better sense of them if they are out of my head, and to get any advice if there is any to have.
I have always joked about how I am crazy. This is where the epiphany is coming in. I AM crazy. Maybe crazy isn't the right word. I am a misfit toy. Years ago someone asked me why I didn't have normal friends. Earlier this year someone told me I had crazy friends. This afternoon, I finally figured out why. As normal and sane as I may possibly seem, I have never been comfortable with the normal crowd. The crowd that goes to the mall on a friday night, the crowd that goes to the lake to fish and play frisbee, the crowd that has things in common with each other. Me? I have always been happy with people that others give odd looks to. The people that are misfits themselves. I have many acquaintances, oh I have Lots of those, but friends? Close friends? A small handful. Not that I am complaining. I do not think I could handle having more than that anyways. The point still stands. I have always been good at adapting to my environment, but that seems to come with the territory of being a military child. But fitting in with people, that seems to have always been a challenge for me. I have made some good friends over the years and in the different places I have lived. All of them are so completely different from each other, but they have all lived difficult lives and have made something of themselves because of it. Maybe that is where I fit in? With the people that are Trying to make a future for themselves? I have put out roots so often, and have had to replant those roots just as frequently, that I don't know what to do with myself now. I know what needs to be done, what I have to do, to make my future as I want it. That is the easy part, as hard as it is. My question is, how do I figure out who I am if I do not know who I am? I know my likes and dislikes, but that isn't who I am, that is just a single facet of the stone that is Me. If presented with a decision, I know what is wrong and what is right. I know the decisions that have no wrong and right answer are supposed to help define me, but in my mind, I do not see it that way. I do not know how I see it, but when my not-wrong-not-right decisions does not follow a pattern, how do I figure out who I am from a jumbled mess, from inconsistent choices?
I think I just threw my epiphany out the window.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Thinking Deeply...
Falling. The air pushing past me in a forceful rush, as if speeding to get somewhere. How long I have been falling, I really do not know. Falling? No, floating. I have been floating. I have no feeling in my stomach, no sensation as if I have left it behind. But why am I floating? Maybe this is normal? Maybe this is how it has always been. No memories come to mind, no images appear from the fog that has consumed my inner eye, nothing to tell me if things were ever different than this. So I let it go, giving in to the relentless rush of wind.
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Why is it that we compare ourselves to others? Does the rose look at it's fellow roses and wish to be different? Does a caterpillar wonder if it will be beautiful like it's ancestors? Then why do we feel the need to do this? Yes, one would argue that it is to better ourselves, learning from others and their mistakes. But does that same person not dissect another's good deeds for the single purpose of putting themselves down for not doing those same deeds? What about appearances? Why inspect someone and wish your eyes were that bright, or you hair that long, or your skin that clear? Why not look in the mirror with the same perspective you use when investigating others looks? Find the light green specks in your hazelnut eyes, discover the golden tones in your blonde hair, or the light step in your stride. Has the idea crossed your mind that someone may very well be looking at you, wishing they had your skin tone, or your eye color?
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I am not sure how much more I am up to really typing. It is late and my desire to be creative is nearly done with for the time being. One thing I wanted to touch on was perspective. I am not sure if I have already talked about this topic or not, but that is not my problem :)
Nothing is absolutely certain. Example, there are people that are color blind. What if they see things as they really are, and we are the ones that are color blind? What if the sky that we see as blue, what if it was actually red? Of course, we wouldn't know the difference because we see it as blue, so it must be true that the sky is blue and not red. There are so many different things that can have so many different ways to see that thing. Like my earlier paragraph, the way we see someone is very likely to be different from how they see themselves. We see a pretty girl, but she may see a boring face. We see a gorgeous sunny day, someone else may see hot and sticky mess.
I really enjoy these topics of perspective and reality. So many possibilities, and nothing to prove them true or false.
Night all :)
Nomers
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Why is it that we compare ourselves to others? Does the rose look at it's fellow roses and wish to be different? Does a caterpillar wonder if it will be beautiful like it's ancestors? Then why do we feel the need to do this? Yes, one would argue that it is to better ourselves, learning from others and their mistakes. But does that same person not dissect another's good deeds for the single purpose of putting themselves down for not doing those same deeds? What about appearances? Why inspect someone and wish your eyes were that bright, or you hair that long, or your skin that clear? Why not look in the mirror with the same perspective you use when investigating others looks? Find the light green specks in your hazelnut eyes, discover the golden tones in your blonde hair, or the light step in your stride. Has the idea crossed your mind that someone may very well be looking at you, wishing they had your skin tone, or your eye color?
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I am not sure how much more I am up to really typing. It is late and my desire to be creative is nearly done with for the time being. One thing I wanted to touch on was perspective. I am not sure if I have already talked about this topic or not, but that is not my problem :)
Nothing is absolutely certain. Example, there are people that are color blind. What if they see things as they really are, and we are the ones that are color blind? What if the sky that we see as blue, what if it was actually red? Of course, we wouldn't know the difference because we see it as blue, so it must be true that the sky is blue and not red. There are so many different things that can have so many different ways to see that thing. Like my earlier paragraph, the way we see someone is very likely to be different from how they see themselves. We see a pretty girl, but she may see a boring face. We see a gorgeous sunny day, someone else may see hot and sticky mess.
I really enjoy these topics of perspective and reality. So many possibilities, and nothing to prove them true or false.
Night all :)
Nomers
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Running a risk here...
There is something that has been on my mind for a while. Now, what I am going to talk about is not about any particular race. In fact, what I want to speak on is about a particular group. I am in no way, shape, or form a racist, but, I am definitely a selectist. Yes, I know this is not a real word, but it fits the views that I hold. I like all races, but I do not like a certain selection of people.
What kind of people am I talking about, you may be wondering. Well, I suppose that is the point of this post. I see these things happen in real life, I see it happen online, I hear it happen in other peoples lives. The people I am speaking of are the one's who believe they are (pardon my language) *tough sh!t. I see (and hear) them yelling and cussing on their phones, and at each other, and those around them. I READ the comments and accusations they leave ONLINE. I hear of the influences they are leaving on other people. People, please. Why, WHY do you have this mind set that you are above society? Why must you go around, believing you are "walking the walk, and talking the talk" when in fact, you are doing nothing more than degrading yourself? I can not wrap my mind around it.
I know I am not perfect, I am far from it in fact. I will also openly admit that to anyone that cares to ask. Yes, I cuss on occasion, yes I do get mad at people, yes I do leave snitty statuses on my facebook on occasion. But never, Ever, has this become, nor is it about to become, a life style for me. The people that I see on a regular basis, my personal opinion is that they are not happy unless they can fit a cuss word in between every other word that passes through their lips. I am sorry, but I was not aware that there was a new language out there. I am aware of Italian, French, Japanese, and Spanish languages, but I didn't know that Ignoramus was added to the list. (On a side note, please stop clapping your hands to emphasize every word you deem worthy to speak)
Moving on to the internet, these people seem to get a perverted joy out of telling someone that they are being hypocritical, or they do not know what they are talking about, or that they would not tell said person what they typed to their face. Really? If I may say so, I will pull the "calling the kettle black" card out. I do not see why you can not hold on to your opinion until you see the offender at a later date. If you have a problem with what was said, please, just tell them to their face what it is that bothered you. Please, do not turn around and leave a long winded paragraph, complaining to the offender of the same thing that you are doing too! I would also like to add, if you find it necessary to reply right then and there, please oh Please spell what you are saying correctly. If that can not be accomplished, at lease use correct grammar. You are not going to get very far with whatever point you are trying to make when no one can understand what you are saying, much less the person who offended you. If you do not like what they are doing, stop adding to the drama, and delete them off your page, your email, your blog, whatever it is that you are stalking them on. (If you believe that I could not want to say this to someone in person, I will be more than happy to show otherwise. I am not one for fighting, nor do I plan on getting into a fight. If you believe that what is being discussed can not be settled in a civilized manner, then do not discuss it with me, because I KNOW I can talk about things civilly. It is who I am.)
All in all, if you can not come down off of your high horses, then do us all a favor and remove yourself from our society, because you obviously do not wish to interact with those that are below your own social level.
And just to prove that I am not perfect, I will now demonstrate the childishness that I have the potential to portray.
Pffft!! on you.
:) Nomers
*I realize I used an inappropriate word and then proceeded to speak about those who use inappropriate words. Let me clarify what the point I was trying to make there. 1) Any other term would have been an understatement and 2) When I say that they are yelling and screaming at each other, while using these terms, I mean they YELL AND SCREAM AT EACH OTHER, WHILE USING THESE TERMS. If they can be heard from across a COLLEGE CAMPUS PARKING LOT (this is a big parking lot), while walking into a building full of average volumed people, then they may be acting out just a tad bit. This is what was meant when I used a term to describe the people using same said term.
What kind of people am I talking about, you may be wondering. Well, I suppose that is the point of this post. I see these things happen in real life, I see it happen online, I hear it happen in other peoples lives. The people I am speaking of are the one's who believe they are (pardon my language) *tough sh!t. I see (and hear) them yelling and cussing on their phones, and at each other, and those around them. I READ the comments and accusations they leave ONLINE. I hear of the influences they are leaving on other people. People, please. Why, WHY do you have this mind set that you are above society? Why must you go around, believing you are "walking the walk, and talking the talk" when in fact, you are doing nothing more than degrading yourself? I can not wrap my mind around it.
I know I am not perfect, I am far from it in fact. I will also openly admit that to anyone that cares to ask. Yes, I cuss on occasion, yes I do get mad at people, yes I do leave snitty statuses on my facebook on occasion. But never, Ever, has this become, nor is it about to become, a life style for me. The people that I see on a regular basis, my personal opinion is that they are not happy unless they can fit a cuss word in between every other word that passes through their lips. I am sorry, but I was not aware that there was a new language out there. I am aware of Italian, French, Japanese, and Spanish languages, but I didn't know that Ignoramus was added to the list. (On a side note, please stop clapping your hands to emphasize every word you deem worthy to speak)
Moving on to the internet, these people seem to get a perverted joy out of telling someone that they are being hypocritical, or they do not know what they are talking about, or that they would not tell said person what they typed to their face. Really? If I may say so, I will pull the "calling the kettle black" card out. I do not see why you can not hold on to your opinion until you see the offender at a later date. If you have a problem with what was said, please, just tell them to their face what it is that bothered you. Please, do not turn around and leave a long winded paragraph, complaining to the offender of the same thing that you are doing too! I would also like to add, if you find it necessary to reply right then and there, please oh Please spell what you are saying correctly. If that can not be accomplished, at lease use correct grammar. You are not going to get very far with whatever point you are trying to make when no one can understand what you are saying, much less the person who offended you. If you do not like what they are doing, stop adding to the drama, and delete them off your page, your email, your blog, whatever it is that you are stalking them on. (If you believe that I could not want to say this to someone in person, I will be more than happy to show otherwise. I am not one for fighting, nor do I plan on getting into a fight. If you believe that what is being discussed can not be settled in a civilized manner, then do not discuss it with me, because I KNOW I can talk about things civilly. It is who I am.)
All in all, if you can not come down off of your high horses, then do us all a favor and remove yourself from our society, because you obviously do not wish to interact with those that are below your own social level.
And just to prove that I am not perfect, I will now demonstrate the childishness that I have the potential to portray.
Pffft!! on you.
:) Nomers
*I realize I used an inappropriate word and then proceeded to speak about those who use inappropriate words. Let me clarify what the point I was trying to make there. 1) Any other term would have been an understatement and 2) When I say that they are yelling and screaming at each other, while using these terms, I mean they YELL AND SCREAM AT EACH OTHER, WHILE USING THESE TERMS. If they can be heard from across a COLLEGE CAMPUS PARKING LOT (this is a big parking lot), while walking into a building full of average volumed people, then they may be acting out just a tad bit. This is what was meant when I used a term to describe the people using same said term.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Turning Problems in Potentials...
At church today (2/26/12), the subject of Faith was discussed. There are two ways to see the world. One is to look through the eyes of the flesh while the other is to view through the eyes of Faith. To see through the eyes of the flesh, we look upon the problems that occur frequently in life. These eyes see life as too big and fear what potential it holds. These views hold the "I can't do that" mind set or a sense of fear, in varying degrees. This second view, The eyes of Faith, holds a more optimistic view of our world. These eyes see how big life is, or has the ability to be. They see the potential for all the things that can occur or can be accomplished. The bearer of these eyes are filled with flame, rather than fear. They know that what they can not control does not have to consume them, that it is in fact controlled by God and that he has a plan for what will, or may, occur.
I bring this up because I am trying to keep the eyes of faith. So many things can happen in just a few years time, but just as much can change in the same span of said time. I will admit it, I am scared to death of some of this and that and the other. Is it not human nature to be afraid of change?As much as I would love to be in control of my life, and as much as I would love to make things happen how I would wish them to happen, I have neither of these options. And not having that control leaves me feeling unsteady and unsure of which path is the right one to take. As if I was not frightened enough. BUT, as I stated earlier, I am trying to maintain the eyes of Faith. God has a general idea of what lays ahead of me and knows what happens outside of my known path that could affect me (ripples in a pond), so I am trying my hardest to place it all in His hands, and to let go of it myself. I know that he will use the people in my life to help guide me, and the places he has placed me in could very well assist me.
A lot of people have told me a lot of things as I have gotten older. "College will be hard" "Working will be tough" "Balancing a check book...Taxes....Bills...etc" and etc and etc and etc. This really isn't as bad as everyone made it seem to be. It is just another part of life to me, to be honest. What I want to know is, why did no one feel the need to inform me of the everything else!! I do not know what to call it. Basic life necessities such as work and school, that is one that, that I can handle with ease. It is just everything outside of that, that is what has me about ready to go climb in a box and never come out again. Again, eyes of Faith.
Lord, help me.
Nomers
I bring this up because I am trying to keep the eyes of faith. So many things can happen in just a few years time, but just as much can change in the same span of said time. I will admit it, I am scared to death of some of this and that and the other. Is it not human nature to be afraid of change?As much as I would love to be in control of my life, and as much as I would love to make things happen how I would wish them to happen, I have neither of these options. And not having that control leaves me feeling unsteady and unsure of which path is the right one to take. As if I was not frightened enough. BUT, as I stated earlier, I am trying to maintain the eyes of Faith. God has a general idea of what lays ahead of me and knows what happens outside of my known path that could affect me (ripples in a pond), so I am trying my hardest to place it all in His hands, and to let go of it myself. I know that he will use the people in my life to help guide me, and the places he has placed me in could very well assist me.
A lot of people have told me a lot of things as I have gotten older. "College will be hard" "Working will be tough" "Balancing a check book...Taxes....Bills...etc" and etc and etc and etc. This really isn't as bad as everyone made it seem to be. It is just another part of life to me, to be honest. What I want to know is, why did no one feel the need to inform me of the everything else!! I do not know what to call it. Basic life necessities such as work and school, that is one that, that I can handle with ease. It is just everything outside of that, that is what has me about ready to go climb in a box and never come out again. Again, eyes of Faith.
Lord, help me.
Nomers
Monday, January 30, 2012
Playing Catch-up...
Definitely have not been keeping up on here. I guess I just haven't had much going on to write about, or not enough in one day to really get me to thinking. What ever the reason, I am posting something now :)
Life in general has been going pretty well. For those that do not know, and I do not remember if I already said this in a previous post, but I have yet again changed my major to Psychology. Yep!! Gonna start reading people's minds, or read them more than I do now. With that being said, this is my final semester at Hinds, and then I am going to transfer to the University of Southern Ms. Here I come Aunt Nancy!! Work is still going well, and hopefully with this move my place of employment will transfer me over too. Lord knows it will be a great help to arrive and already have a job in place.
Aside from my full time schooling and part time working, I have been trying to tone. There seems to be a lot of dieting going around (Which I applaud those who are doing it!!) and a quite a bit of muscle building, but seeing as losing weight would do me more harm than good, and benching 220 would not help me accomplish much, I figure why not tone my muscles, build up endurance, and release stress all at once? You will probably laugh at me, or roll your eyes, but I have taken up yoga. And I enjoy the heck out of it! (Thanks mom!) I can finally touch my toes without the back of my legs crying out in pain and agony, and I haven't had a mental break down lately. I am one hundred percent serious on this. Each life is different, with their different problems and situations, and mine is no exception. Of course, I kind of enjoy the challenge. How else do you get stronger if not from working at it and not giving up because it hurts too much. There is too much of that going around. I for one am not going to add to the cacophony of whining and whimpering, at least not very often. Hey, I am only human.
Aside from all of that, I have been spending time with Sara and my new friend Davy while I wait for the next couple of months to end. God knows my heart and knows I want my men home NOW.
That should just about wrap it up for the time being.
Until next time,
Nomers
Life in general has been going pretty well. For those that do not know, and I do not remember if I already said this in a previous post, but I have yet again changed my major to Psychology. Yep!! Gonna start reading people's minds, or read them more than I do now. With that being said, this is my final semester at Hinds, and then I am going to transfer to the University of Southern Ms. Here I come Aunt Nancy!! Work is still going well, and hopefully with this move my place of employment will transfer me over too. Lord knows it will be a great help to arrive and already have a job in place.
Aside from my full time schooling and part time working, I have been trying to tone. There seems to be a lot of dieting going around (Which I applaud those who are doing it!!) and a quite a bit of muscle building, but seeing as losing weight would do me more harm than good, and benching 220 would not help me accomplish much, I figure why not tone my muscles, build up endurance, and release stress all at once? You will probably laugh at me, or roll your eyes, but I have taken up yoga. And I enjoy the heck out of it! (Thanks mom!) I can finally touch my toes without the back of my legs crying out in pain and agony, and I haven't had a mental break down lately. I am one hundred percent serious on this. Each life is different, with their different problems and situations, and mine is no exception. Of course, I kind of enjoy the challenge. How else do you get stronger if not from working at it and not giving up because it hurts too much. There is too much of that going around. I for one am not going to add to the cacophony of whining and whimpering, at least not very often. Hey, I am only human.
Aside from all of that, I have been spending time with Sara and my new friend Davy while I wait for the next couple of months to end. God knows my heart and knows I want my men home NOW.
That should just about wrap it up for the time being.
Until next time,
Nomers
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
In the air...
I have the strongest urge to write, but what is there to write? I could write about how leaving a place hurts, no matter how long you are there whether it be a few days or a few decades. I could write about the pain that flows through your body when you find yourself surrounded by 100 soldiers, all leaving their families to go back over seas. I could write about how the sea of lights spread out to the edge of nights world at 27 thousand feet in the air. Maybe I could write about the reluctance to lend out your one pen to a girl that has thoughts flooding her mind, even for the hour left in the flight. There is the option to jot down the webs of feelings floating around the bubbles of thought in my mind. Emotions of peace, joy, sadness, sorrow, loneliness, accomplishment. Maybe the sense of accomplishment after taking another step in life on your own.
As I am writing this, I am sitting on a plane, halfway back to Jackson. I am looking out the window, torn between keeping the blind up or yanking it down. Outside, everything is black which brings out the yellows and oranges of street lights and buildings quite nicely. On the ground, you don't think of houses being withing a 20 mile radius of you at all times. When you drive for 2 hours down a road bordered by trees the entire way, you do not think of the cul-de-sacs that could be just a few minutes drive to the left of right. Up here in the air, there are lights everywhere. The only places where no lights are present, bodies of water are found. I can not help but think of all of the people down there, about the sheer number of people, and how, no matter how many different places you go, you will never find everyone in one, much less several, lifetimes. Makes me wonder how many people in that large group actually think of the rest of the population living in that single twenty mile radius.
If I look straight out, just ahead, even in the darkness you can see where the sky starts and where our planet begins. My eyes have to strain, but I can just make out the few bright ones shining. What if it was all turned over? The lights on the ground become stars, and the few bright planets become towns or small local grocery stores? Could you imagine? Maybe that will be what I write about. A night sky full of orange and yellow lights while the planet below is dotted with the occasional white light. No streets, no factories, no empty lots lit up with the sickly white buzzing lights of reality.
We will see.
~Nomers
As I am writing this, I am sitting on a plane, halfway back to Jackson. I am looking out the window, torn between keeping the blind up or yanking it down. Outside, everything is black which brings out the yellows and oranges of street lights and buildings quite nicely. On the ground, you don't think of houses being withing a 20 mile radius of you at all times. When you drive for 2 hours down a road bordered by trees the entire way, you do not think of the cul-de-sacs that could be just a few minutes drive to the left of right. Up here in the air, there are lights everywhere. The only places where no lights are present, bodies of water are found. I can not help but think of all of the people down there, about the sheer number of people, and how, no matter how many different places you go, you will never find everyone in one, much less several, lifetimes. Makes me wonder how many people in that large group actually think of the rest of the population living in that single twenty mile radius.
If I look straight out, just ahead, even in the darkness you can see where the sky starts and where our planet begins. My eyes have to strain, but I can just make out the few bright ones shining. What if it was all turned over? The lights on the ground become stars, and the few bright planets become towns or small local grocery stores? Could you imagine? Maybe that will be what I write about. A night sky full of orange and yellow lights while the planet below is dotted with the occasional white light. No streets, no factories, no empty lots lit up with the sickly white buzzing lights of reality.
We will see.
~Nomers
Sunday, October 16, 2011
It all began with a plant...
| Well, I promised to keep updates on my little caterpillar. I guess I didn't do to well on that bit. But here is the ultimate update ever. From beginning to the end of the process, here is my lil Tersa Sphinx. |  | ||
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| Caterpillar is resting after eating all day |
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| Now it is eating again. |
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 He is just chillin now. |
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| Arial view |
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| MOTH |
Tersa Sphinx Hummingbird Moth. He is almost the size of my palm.
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| Drying off |
So there you have it. Not too many pictures, but its enough to see the process I suppose. One of the cooler things about this whole thing is that it came out of its cocoon sometime on my birthday!! It's cocoon casing was already dried out and the liquid that it was in was dry as well. So yay! We share the same birthday! Happy Birthday Mr Moth!!
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